Who Am I, Really?

Beverly Ward
Jul 30
4 min read

"I don't know who I am anymore."

Maybe you've never said those exact words.

But perhaps you've felt them.

"I've lost myself."

"If this relationship ends, who am I?"

"If I can't do this job anymore, what am I?"

"I don't know where I fit."

As counselors, we hear these kinds of statements often. They come from teenagers trying to figure out where they belong, parents whose children have grown up and left home, professionals whose careers have unexpectedly changed, and people whose lives have been turned upside down by loss, illness, divorce, or disappointment.

Sometimes they come from people whose lives look perfectly fine on the outside. Nothing catastrophic has happened. They cannot point to a single event that explains what they are feeling. They simply know they have lost sight of who they are.

Over the years, I have come to believe that beneath many of the struggles we see in counseling lies a deeper question.

Who am I, really?

I also wonder if today's culture has made that question common and difficult for many to answer.

Every day we are confronted with messages telling us to define ourselves by what we accomplish, what we own, how we look, our education, how we feel, or what other people think about us. We chase success, approval, and significance, hoping that one more achievement or one more relationship will finally quiet the uncertainty inside.

But those things were never meant to carry the weight of our identity.

Careers change.

Relationships change.

Health changes.

Our roles change.

Even our emotions change.

If our identity is built on things that are always shifting, it is no surprise that we sometimes feel as though we are struggling to hold fast to who we are.

The Bible offers us a place to firmly plant our feet.

David writes:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

I love where David begins.

He does not begin with what he has accomplished.

He does not begin with his failures.

He does not begin with what other people think about him.

He begins with God.

Before anyone ever spoke a word over David's life, God was already at work.

God did not simply create David's body. He created his inmost being. His personality. His gifts. His strengths. His unique design. Every part of who David was came from the loving hands of his Creator.

David says God knit him together.

What a beautiful picture.

Someone who knits works with patience and intention. Every stitch has a purpose. Nothing is accidental.

The same is true of you.

Before anyone formed an opinion about you, God knew you.

Before anyone praised you, God delighted in you.

Before anyone rejected you, God loved you.

Before your greatest success, God knew your potential.

Before your deepest failure, God knew your need for grace.

That does not mean life has not wounded you.

We live in a broken world. Relationships hurt us. Words leave scars. Trauma changes us. Loss reshapes us. In counseling, we see every day how painful experiences can influence the way people think about themselves.

Someone who grew up with constant criticism may believe they are never enough.

Someone who has been abandoned may believe they are unlovable.

Someone who has failed may begin to believe they are a failure.

Those beliefs are understandable.

But they are not Truth.

There is an important difference between what has happened to you and who you are.

Your experiences shape your story.

They do not determine your identity.

The apostle Paul reminds us of this when he writes:

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

The word translated workmanship is the Greek word poiēma. It is the word from which we get our English word poem. It describes something carefully crafted, intentionally designed, and created with purpose.

Notice the order.

We are God's workmanship before we ever do God's work.

Our value does not come from what we accomplish.

Our purpose grows out of who we already are in Him.

That is so different from the message our culture sends.

The world says, "Prove yourself."

God says, "You are Mine."

The world says, "Create your identity."

God says, "Receive the identity I have given you."

There is incredible freedom in that Truth.

You are not defined by your diagnosis.

You are not defined by your job title.

You are not defined by your divorce.

You are not defined by your anxiety.

You are not defined by your worst decision.

Those things may describe chapters of your story, but they do not tell the whole story.

The truest thing about you is that you were lovingly created by God, fully known by Him, and intentionally fashioned for His purposes.

So perhaps the question is not simply, Who am I, really?

Perhaps the better question is, Who does God say I am?

When we begin there, everything else begins to find its proper place.

Reflection

What have you been allowing to define you?
What labels have become louder than God's Truth?
How would your life be different if you tune out the other voices and believe what God says about who you are?