Choosing Love - Even When You Really Don't Feel Like It

Let’s be honest—some days, choosing love feels like climbing a mountain in flip-flops. There are moments when I want to show love, but the feelings just aren’t there. And then there are days when love feels completely out of reach—undeserved, inconvenient, or simply too heavy to carry.

I’ve learned that in the messiness of life, love isn’t always the emotion that bubbles up naturally. Sometimes what bubbles up is frustration. Disappointment. Resentment. Sometimes what I feel is everything but love.

But here’s the beautiful but hard truth: Real love is not just a feeling—it’s a choice. A holy, courageous, sometimes countercultural, choice we make again and again.

What Love Really Is (and Isn’t)

When we talk about choosing love, what are we really choosing?

Scripture is clear. Love isn’t only butterflies and soft music. It’s grit. It’s grace. It’s the fierce and faithful decision to treat people the way God treats us.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”(1 Corinthians 13:4–8, NIV)

This kind of love isn’t passive. It doesn’t wait for others to deserve it. It moves first. It forgives first. It serves first.

And yes, it can feel risky. Love doesn’t promise that the other person will respond well—or even respond at all. But that’s not our responsibility. Outcomes are God’s.

Sometimes, loving someone means having the courage to say the hard thing. To speak truth rather than tiptoe around it. To call out what’s broken not to shame, but to heal.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow…”(Ephesians 4:15, NIV)

Choosing Love Without Losing Yourself

Let me be clear—choosing love doesn’t mean allowing mistreatment. It doesn’t mean silencing your pain or shrinking yourself to keep the peace.

Love never demands the sacrifice of your God-given dignity.

When someone harms us emotionally, physically, or spiritually, love doesn’t stay silent. It sets boundaries. It says, “This is not okay.” That’s not unloving—it’s honoring the image of God in both yourself and the other person.

Choosing love may sometimes mean stepping away—not out of bitterness, but out of wisdom. Not to punish, but to protect.

Allowing abuse to continue helps no one. True love desires healing for everyone involved—including the one who did the hurting. But healing begins with truth. And truth demands accountability.

The Inner Tug-of-War

So why is it so hard to love?

The apostle John gives us a clue in 1 John 2:16:

“For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

These three sneaky saboteurs are constantly pulling at our hearts:

Lust of the Flesh

That craving for what feels good right now—even if it’s not good for us. It shows up as overindulgence, addictions, and instant gratification that costs us long-term peace. Lust of the Flesh says, “You deserve this.” But love asks, “Is this holy?”

Lust of the Eyes

Envy. Comparison. That internal narrative that says, “Why don’t I have what they have?” When we let this mindset settle in, it poisons our ability to celebrate others and see our own blessings clearly. Love can’t flourish in a heart that’s constantly keeping score.

Pride of Life

This one can be the hardest to spot. Pride tells us we’re better than someone else. It’s the voice that elevates self above others, resists correction, and hinders growth and connection. Pride may say, “I am superior to them.” Or the one that whispers, “That rule doesn’t apply to me".

But love thrives in humility. It reminds us that everyone—everyone—has immeasurable worth because they were created by God and in His image.  

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition... Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”(Philippians 2:3–4, NIV)

Love Changes Everything

When we choose to love—even when it’s hard—we plant seeds that bear good fruit. And this isn’t just biblical wisdom—it’s backed by science, too.

Researchers at the Greater Good Science Center found that small acts of kindness can boost happiness by 35%. That’s right—something as simple as a kind word, a patient pause, or a gentle smile can shift the atmosphere around us.

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”(Colossians 3:14, NIV)

Love has the power to bind, to heal, to unify—and yes, to transform.

Grace for When You Miss the Mark

If you’ve read this far and felt that little sting of conviction—me too.

There are days I don’t choose love. Days I hold onto the offense. Days I let pride win.

But friend, don’t confuse conviction with condemnation. God’s grace is ready to meet you exactly where you are and grow something new.

Choosing love is a lifelong journey, not a one-time accomplishment. And every imperfect attempt at showing love grows and strengthens you.

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete…”(James 1:4, NIV)

The more we choose love, the more it becomes part of who we are. Not forced. Not fake. Just fruit—born of abiding in Him.

A Closing Thought

Choosing love will rarely be the easiest option—but it will always be the most redemptive.

It doesn't mean staying silent.

It doesn't mean staying in harm’s way.

It means anchoring our hearts in truth, humility, and grace.

It means deciding—again and again—to show up with the kind of love God pours out.

Love that protects.

Love that confronts.

Love that forgives.

Love that sometimes walks away—still holding hope.

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…”(Philippians 1:6, NIV)

And that, friend, is a promise we can hold onto—even on the days when love feels like the hardest choice.

The Lagniappe

Treat yourself to "Love God, Love People" by Danny Gokey

References

Approximately 40 writers, 1 author (1,200B.C. to 95A.D.). The Holy Bible. Various Translations and Publishers.

Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2007). Emotional intelligence: Theory, findings, and implications. Psychological Inquiry, 12(1), 16-20.

Meyer, J. (2009). Love revolution. Faith Words.

Otake, K., Shimai, S., Tanaka, M., & Otsui, K. (2006). Happy people help others: The impact of self-happiness on helping behavior. Happiness Studies, 9(1), 86-97.