Domestic Violence

When Love Hurts: Finding Hope and Help in the Midst of Domestic Abuse

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” — Psalm 34:18

Sometimes, what begins as love can slowly twist into something painful. Words that once comforted begin to sting. Actions that once felt protective now feel suffocating. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you are not to blame.

At Still Waters Counseling, we understand how tangled, confusing, and heartbreaking the journey through domestic abuse can be. We’re here to gently walk with you, help you find clarity, and guide you toward healing—emotionally, spiritually, and safely.

What Is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse—also called intimate partner violence—is any pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over a partner in a close relationship. It doesn’t always leave bruises. Abuse can be:

Physical (hitting, shoving, choking)
Emotional (name-calling, manipulation, threats)
Sexual (forcing unwanted acts)
Financial (controlling your money or access to resources)
Social (isolating you from friends or family)

Sometimes, the abuse starts with flattery and concern that seem caring—until those actions become tools of control. And while it’s often associated with women, men can be victims too—something that’s often overlooked or minimized.

Signs You May Be in an Abusive Relationship

Here are some red flags that may indicate abuse:

You feel unsafe—physically or emotionally.
You're constantly blamed, belittled, or accused.
Your partner limits your ability to work, socialize, or spend money.
You're threatened with harm if you leave or tell someone.
You're forced into sexual situations against your will.
Your medical or spiritual care is controlled or forbidden.
You feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” all the time.

Abuse isn’t just about what happens during a fight. It’s the repeated pattern of control, fear, and emotional harm. And it’s not your fault.

When You’re Unsure: Sorting Through the Confusion

Many victims second-guess themselves, especially if they’ve reacted in anger or frustration. You may wonder, “Am I the abusive one?” But here's the truth: abuse is about patterns, not one-off reactions. If someone consistently uses fear, threats, or force to control you, they are choosing to abuse.

Even if you're still trying to make sense of things, seeking help is a wise and brave step. Jesus never asked us to carry our burdens alone—and He certainly doesn’t expect you to endure harm to keep the peace.

The Impact on Children

Children don’t need to be directly harmed to be deeply affected. They often see more than we realize and absorb fear like a sponge. Living in a home with domestic abuse can impact a child’s brain development, emotional health, and future relationships.

You may be afraid that seeking help could disrupt your family. But protecting your children starts with protecting yourself. God entrusted you with their care—and He will walk with you as you seek safety.

Breaking the Cycle

Abuse often follows a predictable cycle:

Tension builds.
An incident of abuse occurs.
The abuser apologizes and promises change.
A period of calm follows—until it starts again.

This cycle is not love—it’s bondage. And God’s Word reminds us in John 10:10 that while the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, Jesus came so that we may have life—and have it abundantly.

For Men Who Are Hurting

If you're a man experiencing abuse, it might feel especially hard to speak up. Society often expects men to be “strong” and dismisses your pain. But your suffering matters. Your safety matters. You matter.

You deserve to be heard, helped, and healed—just like anyone else.

Creating a Safety Plan

Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous. That’s why safety is key. Here are a few steps you can take:

Call a domestic violence hotline from a safe location.
Pack a go-bag with essentials (clothing, medications, documents).
Plan where you’ll go and how to get there.
Protect your technology—change passwords, clear your browser history, and turn off GPS devices.
Talk to someone you trust.

Jesus said, “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). Planning doesn’t mean you’re lacking faith. It means you’re walking in wisdom.

Where to Turn for Help

If you’re in danger, call 911 or your local emergency line. For confidential guidance, reach out to:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
211 for local shelters and resources
A trusted friend, pastor, or counselor
Your healthcare provider
Your local courthouse for protective orders

You Don’t Have to Stay in the Pain

Friend, please hear this: God never intended for you to endure abuse to prove your worth, your loyalty, or your faith. He is a God of rescue, redemption, and refuge.

“He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” — Psalm 91:4

At Still Waters Counseling, we offer a safe, confidential place to talk, process, and make a plan. Whether you’re just beginning to recognize the abuse or ready to take a step toward freedom, we are here for you.

You are not weak. You are not crazy. You are not alone. Let’s take the next step together.