“I’ve Tried to Stop Watching Porn—Why Is It So Hard?”

Dear Still Waters, 

I saw your last post—the one from the woman whose husband watches porn. It hit a nerve. I’ve never written into anything like this before, but I’m at the point where I know I need to say something.

I’ve been using porn for years. At first, it just seemed like something guys did. But now, I see it’s taken a toll I wasn’t expecting. It’s messed with how I see women. It’s made things harder in my marriage. And it’s left me feeling more alone than I want to admit. I’ve tried to stop. I’ve made promises to myself. I’ve felt ashamed. And then I go right back to it. If I had known what it would do to me, I honestly don’t think I ever would’ve started.   

So here’s my question: Why is this stuff so hard to quit—and what does it actually take to get free?   —Mark 

Dear Mark, 

We’re so grateful you wrote in. Your honesty is rare and courageous—and it’s exactly the kind of honesty that leads to real change.

You’re right. Pornography often starts out looking like no big deal—just something “guys do.” But it doesn’t stay harmless. It sneaks into the way you think, relate, feel, and even how you see yourself. And what feels like a private issue ends up stealing from real connection, intimacy, and peace.

You’re not alone in this. While most of those who struggle with pornography are men, there are women who find themselves tangled in it too. It’s a human issue. And it preys on very human pain—loneliness, stress, insecurity, anger, boredom, trauma. It promises relief but only leaves a deeper ache.

So why is it so hard to quit?

Because porn isn’t just about behavior—it’s about unmet needs and unhealed wounds.

But also—and this part is important—it changes the brain. Over time, repeated exposure to pornography floods the brain with chemicals like dopamine, which reinforce the habit. The brain starts to crave that rush, even when your heart and conscience know better. What began as curiosity becomes a deeply wired pattern that’s hard to break without help.

But healing is possible. Not just managing the problem—but actually healing.

Here’s where many find hope and help:   

- Bring it into the light. You’ve already taken the first step by reaching out. Freedom begins where secrecy ends.  

- Get the right support. Tools like Covenant Eyes (https://www.covenanteyes.com/) offer practical help—like accountability software and educational resources that walk you through the process of rebuilding your life from the inside out.  

- Seek wise counsel. Whether it's through therapy, support groups, or a trusted mentor, healing grows in community. It’s not a solo fight.  

- Replace shame with truth. Pornography lies. It tells you that you're trapped, that you’re too far gone, that you'll never change. But God’s truth says something different: You are not beyond hope. You are not beyond healing. You are deeply loved and made for more.

Mark, we believe that freedom isn’t just possible—it’s worth fighting for. God doesn’t ask you to clean yourself up before coming to Him. He meets you right in the mess. And He walks with you through it.

You’re not the only one. And you’re not trapped. With the right support, truth, and help—it’s entirely possible to walk free.

And when you do, you’ll wonder how you ever lived under the weight of it. 

Grace and peace to you, 

A Still Waters Therapist 

Have a question for a Still Waters Therapist? 

Email us at Questions@mystillwaters.org — and one of our licensed therapists will respond. Your question may appear in an upcoming post. (Questions are edited to protect anonymity when needed.)