"Is Porn Use Really That Common Among Kids, and How Can I Keep Mine Safe?" - Concerned Mama

Dear Still Waters,

I read your recent posts about pornography—and while they were powerful, they also left me feeling overwhelmed. I’m a mom of three (ages 9, 12, and 15), and I’m doing my best to raise them with strong values. But the world we live in feels so hypersexualized. Even when I try to limit what they watch or which apps they use, I know I can’t control everything they’re exposed to.

It honestly terrifies me to think about how easy it is for kids—my kids—to come across porn, even accidentally. How common is this really? And how can I help my children navigate this culture without shame but also with wisdom?

I just want to know how to guide them without fear taking over. —Concerned Mama

Dear Concerned Mama,

First—breathe. Just the fact that you’re asking these questions tells me so much about your heart. You are an intentional, courageous mom, and your love for your children is fierce and clear. You are not alone.

Let’s begin with this unshakable truth: God is not surprised by the culture we live in. Not one bit. He saw the headlines before we did. He knew the landscape your children would grow up in. And He still chose this exact moment in history for them to live, and for you to mother them.

So no, this isn’t easy—but it doesn't have to be scary either.

Now, to your question: pornography is sadly very common. Research shows the average age of first exposure is around 11, often happening accidentally through ads, social media, or shared devices. By high school, most teens have already been exposed. It’s sobering—but not defeating. Because while we can’t control everything, we can guide wisely and love steadily.

Here are some steps to help you do just that:

1. Start the Conversation Early—and Keep It Going

These talks don’t have to be one big, overwhelming moment. Small, ongoing, age-appropriate conversations are far more effective. Talk openly about God’s beautiful design for our bodies and relationships—and contrast that with what the world often distorts. Invite them into the truth: “Your body was created on purpose, for a purpose. Let’s talk about what that means.”

2. Lead with Curiosity, Not Condemnation

If fear is driving the conversation, shame often follows. Instead, lead with calm curiosity: “What have you seen or heard?” or “Has anything online ever made you feel weird or uncomfortable?” These questions build bridges, not walls. They teach your child that you are a safe, trustworthy place to land.

3. Equip Them with Truth and Tools

Think of this like teaching them to cross the street safely. Yes, the road is dangerous—but it’s navigable with guidance. You can:

• Use tools like Bark, Canopy, or Covenant Eyes to monitor and filter content.

• Teach the difference between what culture normalizes and what God calls good.

• Remind them their identity and worth come from who they are in Christ, not what they see, post, or compare themselves to online.

  
  

4. Model a Healthy View of Technology and Sexuality

What we live out speaks louder than what we say. When your kids see you use screens wisely, speak respectfully about others’ bodies, and uphold God’s design for love and intimacy, it leaves an impression that lasts.

5. Wrap It All in Grace

They may mess up. They may see something you wish they hadn’t. But the goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection. Let them know that no matter what, they can come to you. Let them feel the kind of grace that reflects the heart of God.

Mama, your home doesn’t have to reflect the chaos of the culture. It can be a refuge of truth, beauty, and steady love. You can help your children walk in wisdom without shame, because God has already equipped you to do just that.

This isn’t just parenting—it’s discipleship. And He’s walking with you through every awkward talk, every boundary, and every teary-eyed prayer. You were chosen to raise these kids now, in this very time—not because you have all the answers, but because He does.

You’re doing holy work. Keep going.

Grace and peace to you,

A Still Waters Therapist

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